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Cywyllog of Gwynedd
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8th-Jul-2008 10:01 am - (open)
always a lady
Cywyllog is setting out to take a walk she hasn't done in some time: toward the Orkney Cottage. In particular, she seeks her husband, however, should anyone wish to catch her before she leaves the Mansion, or along the way, she would not be opposed to company for a time.
18th-Oct-2007 08:24 pm - (open)
small smile
Cywyllog really hasn't meant to be a recluse. It just sort of happened; a natural reaction to, well, everything. As such, she really doesn't have much of an idea of anything that's been going on. And neither does her typist.

But this is being remedied this evening, with a walk through the woods in what she feels may be one of the last chances to enjoy relatively nice weather before the cold and snow sets in.
18th-Jun-2007 06:24 pm - (open)
always a lady
Cywyllog has spent the afternoon down by the lake. She has a blanket spread out on shore and there are plenty of Percy's fresh veggies and fruit in a basket nearby for occasional snacking.

Currently, she's basking in the final few rays of the sun, feet wet from wading in the shallows.
always a lady
This is, in fact, something I think about quite often. More often than not, I simply decide it is not worth thinking about, mainly because the most important decisions in my life were not made by me, and so there is little I could have done to change anything.

There is one things, however, that was completely within my power to change and had I done so, it would have had a major impact on my life. I do not know, ultimately, what the outcome would have been - I might be very happy, I might be miserable and I might even be dead.

But looking back, I know that even this thing, this change I could have made, there was really no decision at all to be made. It is a path I would never take, even in the worst circumstances which at the time, I believed I was in.

So would I make any changes, or would all my choices be the same? I think they would be. And this is knowledge that brings me little comfort.
7th-May-2007 02:25 pm - Who has made you smile recently?
always a lady
There are several easy answers to this, of course. My children, for example, make me smile numerous times a day and for various reasons. Even my husband can occasionally elicit a genuine smile out of me for one reason or another.

However, in the spirit of remembering something that happened unexpectedly, I would have to answer that it was a letter I recently received from my sister, Siwan, in Gwent. Letters in general are few and far between, despite the practice they give me in my reading and writing, as more often than not, we are simply too busy, or too far away. Or there is little news to tell one another.

In particular, word from Siwan is scarce. Not due to any desire on her part to remain estranged from her family, especially myself and our younger sister Eyslk, as the three of us were as close as could be when we were children. More, it is that she was always the quiet one, who chose to keep most things private until we pried it out of her one way or another. With neither of us with her now to do so, she has devoted herself to her new life.

Her letter is more than merely a reminder that she has not forgotten me. It is also a reminder of happier and simpler times for all of us, when problems could be solved simply by chasing each other along the beach in our bare feet and letting the wind rid us of them. The contents of the letter itself are almost irrelevant, though I am glad to hear news of my sister. It is the memories evoked that I am truly grateful for and for which I will smile today and many times in the days and years to come.
24th-Apr-2007 08:26 pm - (open)
always a lady
Spring is Cywyllog's favourite time of year. She's been spending most of her days outside, walking through the gardens and the woods, although she has yet to bring herself to wander all the way back to the cottage.

Today has been no different. Currently, she's sitting out on a blanket, shoes off and toes curling in the cool grass, watching the sun set. A small bunch of flowers sits off to one side, the fruits of her earlier walk, and she seems almost... content.
2nd-Apr-2007 07:50 pm - (open)
always a lady
Spring has begun, though it's not here completely yet, and as such, Cywyllog has taken to longer and longer walks outside the Mansion. She meanders past Melehan's cabin, of course, though it's more a maternal habit now than any great concern; she knows he can take care of himself.

At the moment, she's heading back toward the large house, taking her time and enjoying the fresh air as much as she can.
16th-Mar-2007 08:58 pm - Fragile
always a lady
When we first arrived in Camelot, there was a large, old looking glass in the room we were going to be settling into. Initially, they were simply going to be rid of it, as the last thing anyone wanted was for it to happen to break suddenly and put us in danger, especially with little ones on the way. But I wanted to keep it. He, of course, would not let it stay in our room, so they moved it across the hall, into another empty space where no one would be able to appreciate it.

I visit it, from time to time. It is chipped and cracked and there is a large chunk missing at the bottom where it did finally break. The frame it is in is just as old as the glass itself, weathered and worn, splintered in some places and rough to the touch. The reflection it gives is no longer true, the images distorted and warped, the glass dull and dusty.

Yet still it stands. Through all the years of neglect and disregard, it remains. Imperfect yes, but no less useful for its faults.
8th-Mar-2007 02:27 pm(no subject)
always a lady
Cywyllog is no longer eight years old, much to her relief. Still, it was her first experience with some of the odd things that happen around this place, so she's still a little shaken up about it. It was magic after all.

The best way she knows how to keep her mind off it is to stay busy. As such, she's taken to quietly puttering around the cottage, gathering up what meager possessions she has, so packing will be easier when the time comes.
always a lady
When I was born, my eldest sister was just shy her tenth birthday. By the time I reached that age, she had already been married for a year and my second eldest sister had just been sent away. By the time I was fifteen, I was the eldest daughter of the King left at our court and I knew I would be next to leave, to be sent off and marry into another royal family. I knew what was expected of me.

I did not want to go to Orkney and I distinctly recall throwing a rather extravagant tantrum when I was informed of my father’s decision. It was too cold and mostly, it was too far away. My elder sisters had all been sent to other Welsh courts and were able visit – infrequently, but they still had the choice. I would not have that option. I felt like I was being punished for something and yet I had done nothing wrong. However, when it came time for me to leave my island to begin traveling to the next, I had made my peace with it because I knew what was expected of me.

I knew what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to fit right in, to listen and obey the orders of the King, to make well the acquaintance of the Queen and any daughters she might have. I was to smile prettily, yet shyly at the princes in hopes that I might gain the attention of one of them and eventually, a proposal and in all honesty, I could say that is exactly what happened.

But it was not at all what I expected.
13th-Feb-2007 07:10 pm(no subject)
always a lady
Cywyllog is very surprised. And a little speechless.

But mostly, she's really rather touched, so you'll have to excuse her for just sitting here, smiling to herself.
26th-Jan-2007 11:43 am - Hindsight is always 20/20
always a lady
Sometimes, looking back on everything that has happened, I wonder if I should have seen it coming and possibly been able to prevent some of the events that eventually took place. I realize I would have had to understand the gravity of the situation, which truthfully I could not, not to mention the importance that I personally held.

Perhaps when I was younger and still had the conceit and demeanour associated with a young, spoiled and care-free princess, but by the time everything came to a head all that had been stripped away. Still, I suppose I should have been aware just how much my mere status could affect the situation. On some level I was. Certainly I knew my father's intentions for sending me to Orkney in the first place, but never could I have imagined finding myself in the position I did in the end.

No matter how often I may agonize over whether or not the decision I ultimately came to was the right one, and ignoring the fact that it was not truly a real decision but more an acceptance of the circumstances, I have come to realize that this was simply out of my hands. I have done the best that I could and finally, I am beginning to understand that blaming myself is pointless.
always a lady
Winter Solstice is one of our major festivals, though it is more subdued than the celebrations of Beltane and Samhain. Christmas, however, was somewhat of a mystery to me, though I had certainly heard of it before. Never did I think I would ever actually have to partake in festivities for it.

It does not, in truth, seem to be all that dissimilar, despite the obvious differences in the reason for the celebration. But there was a feast and drinking and merriment; even holly and mistletoe had been strewn about for decoration, which I had not expected to be present.

I kept to myself as always, sitting off to one side and sipping from the same goblet I had at dinner. I was happy enough to merely watch the revelry, let those who wanted the attention have it. Still, I cannot say I was surprised when he approached me and held out a hand to ask for a dance, or so I thought. Instead, he pulled me to him, right there in front of everyone, and kissed me.

Wine. That was all I could taste at first, sweet and bitter at the same time, tinged with herbs and spices from that night's stew. I wondered if I tasted the same to him and then wondered if he would even be thinking about such trivial things.

And then it occurred to me that I should not be. His arm tightened around me as I tensed at the realization, but I relaxed, deciding it was easier to think about how he tasted than the kiss itself.
27th-Dec-2006 07:28 pm - (open)
always a lady
Despite the increasing cold and any snow that may now be on the ground, Cywyllog has been undeterred in her daily trek to and from the Mansion. Certainly, the fact that she passes by Melehan's house and can see from afar how he's doing during her walks has nothing to do with her diligence.

Really.

Fine. But at least she's trying to give him space and most of the time only watches from the path for a few minutes before continuing on her way. Besides, she has a lovely new shawl to keep her warm and really, she's never minded the cold all that much.
12th-Dec-2006 09:40 pm - Following as usual...
always a lady
This has been around for a bit. This is new.
5th-Dec-2006 08:14 pm - (open)
always a lady
It's cold outside. That doesn't seem to be deterring Cywyllog, however, as she's walking slowly around the grounds near enough to the cottage, a warm cloak wrapped around her shoulders. It's too dark to traverse the woods to the Mansion, so for now, this will have to do.

There doesn't seem to be any aim in her wanderings, and she doesn't go too far, making sure she can at least see the lights of the cottage at all times.
23rd-Nov-2006 07:01 pm(no subject)
always a lady
Sometimes I wonder if it is better to just keep everyone at arm's length, to simply not allow myself to get attached or care about people more than a polite acquaintance.

It hurts, missing people, knowing you will never see them again. Knowing they may not feel the same way about you and I just...

I do not want to go through it again.
18th-Nov-2006 10:20 pm(no subject)
always a lady
It's a bit colder out when Cywyllog makes her way back to the cottage after leaving Mordred and Kay to their own devices. Whatever anger she felt before is all but gone now, replaced by the ever-present stress that seems to have settled over her since she arrived.

Colder, yes, but she's taking her time; walking slowly and carefully, hands rubbing her arms over her shawl. Tea when she arrives, she decides, and then to bed. A good sleep is better than a good cry, after all.
17th-Nov-2006 02:58 pm - Sunrise
always a lady
I have seen several sunrises in my day, which is to be expected when you have two small children who have little respect for proper sleeping times. I cannot say, however, that I am much in the mind to appreciate those sunrises when I do see them, if merely because I am simply too tired to notice.

One I do remember clearly was the last one I saw in Aberffraw, the morning of the day I left for Orkney. Eyslk and I stayed up all night, just as we had with Siwan nearly a year earlier, snuggled together on the floor of our room by the fire. Tegeirian and Rhedyn snuck in for a few hours, but they dozed off quickly. We tucked them back into their own beds, lest one of the nurses catch them out when they should have been asleep.

We talked for hours, mostly about nothing in particular as we so often did, while we braided each other’s hair and tried not to make too much noise. Valiantly, she tried to make me laugh and keep my spirits up as she knew I did not want to go, especially not so far away, and I attempted the same for her, because in truth come morning, we were both going to be alone.

It was not until the first few rays of light crept through the window that we realized how close at hand the time really was. Eyslk started to cry then and I held her tightly, stroking her hair and reassuring her that we would both be all right, whether I believed it myself or not. I dragged her out onto the balcony and we watched the sun rise together, arm in arm, her head resting on my shoulder.

I suspect I will see many more and perhaps even some as special as that one, but there will not be many. And that is certainly one that I will never forget.
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